kena tipu

"korang tau tak abangcik (adik saya) kena tipu haritu? " kata mak sambil menoleh ke belakang di mana aku dan abgcik duduk. Kami baru lepas menjamah satay kajang sebelum meneruskan perjalanan menghantar adikku ke asrama tempat kerjanya.

"ha?? ye ke mak?" aku menoleh sekilas pada bangcik sebelum mak menyambung. Abgcik menoleh ke luar tingkap kereta sambil menggaru kepalanya yang tak gatal.

"Dia kena tipu haritu. Beli handphone apa ntah yg latest tu online. Dah bayar habis masuk account orang tu tp barang tak sampai2 lagi. ayah dah marah sbb tak bincng or tanya ayah dulu" jelas mak

"hish, bangcik ni.... beli kat website mana?" tanyaku, terkilan

"@$#$#%%^4" balasnya bersahaja. (saya tak ingat pulak nama website yg disebutnya)

"hishh.. lain kali kalau nk beli ke apa ke.. tanya lah kak imah ke.. ayah ke.. kakno ke.. " bebelku lagi

"dah buat report ke belum?" tanya kakno yg sedang memandu

"aritu abg eddy (abg ipar kami) tak sihat.. so tak pergi pun balai buat lagi. Malaslah" balas bangcik lagi.

"dia ada simpan resit semua dah. orang suruh pergi balai report tak mau. memang lah tak boleh dapat balik dah rm500 tu. tapi sekurang-kurangnya orang lain nanti tak terkena" mak bersuara lagi.

"senang2 je orang tu tipu duit anak mak ni. Ingat senang ke bangcik nak cari rm500 tu bagi cukup? sampai kena keje pakai maskot masa hari jadi budak2 kat marybrown tu. panas-panas semua tu. kawan-kawan kerja dia pun tak ada siapa yg mau" tambah mak lagi

aku menoleh memandang bangcik. rasa sayu mula bergayut di hati.

"ye ke mak...? kesian adik kak imah ni.." kata ku sambil mengusap kepala adikku perlahan.

"iya... bla bla bla" cerita mak lagi tentang betapa susah adikku mencari duit. Tubir mata saya dah mula rasa panas.

"kesian adik kak imah ni..." kata ku berulang kali sambil mengusap kepala bangcik. Bila saya rasa hampir menangis mendengar cerita mak, lalu nada suaraku berubah kepada gurauan. Sebenarnya saya tak nak termenangis dalam kereta tu.

"kau ni dah kenapa?" kata bangcik pura2 rimas dengan perbuatan saya. tapi jelas suaranya sebak. Sebak bila saya mengusap kepalanya dan bersimpati dengan nasibnya.

"saja.." balasku sambil tertawa

"eleh... marah konon padahal dah sebak abes dah tu. nak nangis dah tu terharu kak imah buat macam tu" seloroh mak lagi. kakno turut bersetuju. Bangcik tersenyum senyum sambil memandang ke luar tingkap

p/s: saya harap orang yg tipu tu akan dapat balasan yg setimpal

on one nice day..

We walked together side by side. There were a lot of people in the mall that day. I looked around, thinking weather to buy Jco donuts or KFC as my dinner.

"Ehhh..!" suddenly she looked at somewhere, fixing her eyes. I saw nothing. All I saw was JCo bakery. She kept quiet and look at that direction again. I tried to look again, puzzled.

"Oh... Mr.F.." I said, smiling. A guy we knew; next to him walked passed us. Did not bother to say hi. Or maybe he was wondering if he should. Mr F stop and we chatted for a while. It only takes a few minutes before we continued on our way.

When Mr F walked away quite a distance she looked at me.
"Are you okay?" she asked with a guilty and worried face.
"Yes, I am. Why did u asked?" frowning, wondering what was she meant by that.
"I am sorry. I felt guilty when i greet them. I thought you are not still not okay with that guy yet. Aren't you?"
I smiled. Brightly. Now I understand her worries.

"No, not at all. I am fine, really. Whatever happened in the pass is long gone. I really don't bother about it anymore, not in a sec! " i said while looking straight into her eyes.

"He meant nothing to me. In fact, I am glad there is nothing between us" She look at me with a weak smile.

"Then why didn't he bother to say hi or at least act normal in front of you?"  I shrugged. I don't have a good answer for her question.

"I don't know. Maybe because I am not beautiful. This "fierce" face of mine maybe frighten him as he used to say all the time before... he could say hi, you know? but he choose not to. And i am fine with that tho. Plus once i noticed a jealous glance from her gf just because he greet me"

"really??"
"yeah"

I looked far away. Thinking of what happened to me before. Really it was a "stupid" experience that once turned me into a zombie.

"hmmmphh.. whatever, let bygones be bygones" I said and happily walked into KFC.

cup of coffee, glass of water

When things are not going the way you hope it would be, it surely felt demotivated.

Then you would say to yourself various, random things just to bring yourself away from the real issue. Or in your words: being positive. Husnuzon.

While the fact is: THIS ISN’T EASY

As of now you just hope you can write random things. A poem, a short story, a novel, be whatever you wanna be but this.

You fingers moving slowly on the keyboard, typing words by words while your eyes are on the screen. It’s so quiet; you are alone. The only sound you hear is the sound from the table fan. You could smell the hot coffee which is just a palm reach. Your brain started to wander around.... travelling various part of the world.. imaging beautiful things and scenery....

Then you suddenly stop.

Oh you are still in your own room. Not going anywhere. And you are still a medical student. Who is upset about things. 

The cursor blinking on the screen but you could not care less.

You take a deep breath….. and let it out slowly.

And you see a cup of hot coffee,  WHICH IS HALF FULL. then you already knew what you should do:

FILL IT THE REST OF THE WAY

p/s: Truth is, that “YOU ” is actually “ME”

unforgettable: admitted to A&E

i called the clinic and ask for the meds i was on. apparently i was MOST PROBABLY allergic to CIPROFLOXACIN. 

these are the list of its side effects that i've experienced. the bold one was the most apparent symptopms happening to me.

. 

More common

·         Diarrhea

Rare

·         anxiety

·         blurred vision

·         burning, crawling, itching, numbness, prickling, "pins and needles", or tingling feelings

·         change in walking and balance

·         chest tightness or heaviness

·         chills

·         clumsiness or unsteadiness

·         confusion

·         continuing ringing or buzzing or other unexplained noise in the ears

·         coughing

·         difficult or labored breathing

·         difficulty with moving

·         dizziness, faintness, or lightheadedness when getting up suddenly from a lying or sitting position

·         drowsiness

·         fast, irregular, pounding, or racing heartbeat or pulse

·         feeling of warmth

·         fever

·         hearing loss

·         increased blood pressure

·         increased thirst

·         irritability

·         itching

·         lack of appetite

·         large, hive-like swelling on the face, eyelids, lips, tongue, throat, hands, legs, feet

·         loss of interest or pleasure

·         nausea and vomiting

·         nervousness

·         nightmares

·         noisy breathing

·         numbness of the hands

·         puffiness or swelling of the eyelids or around the eyes, face, lips, or tongue

·         rash

·         redness of the face, neck, arms, and occasionally, upper chest

·         redness of the skin

·         sensation of skin burning

·         shakiness and unsteady walk

·         shakiness in the legs, arms, hands, or feet

·         shortness of breath

·         skin rash

·         sleeplessness

·         slow or fast heartbeat

·         small red or purple spots on the skin

·         sweating

·         swelling

·         swelling of the face, feet, or lower legs

·         trembling or shaking of the hands or feet

·         trouble concentrating

·         unable to sleep

·         unusual drowsiness, dullness, tiredness, weakness, or feeling of sluggishness

·         wheezing

Incidence not known

·         high fever

·         redness, soreness, or itching skin

·         sore throat

Less common

·         sneezing

for more details: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR602795

unforgettable: admitted to A&E3

the nearest hospital felt too far to reach. my heart was pounding too fast.
cut all the whats not and stupid things at the counter then i was transferred to the yellow zone. they assessed my lungs and ask some questions but i cant talk anymore. i cant think straight. i felt dizzy. luckily my friend is by my side and helping me answering the questions. they take my right hand asking me to make a fist. they want to put a green granula and administer hydrocortisone stat. i used my energy to fist my hand. the doctor cannot find veins in my oedematous hand. they tried to do on my left hand. but i could not lift up my left hand
anymore. cant make a fist anymore. i was weak. i felt more and more dizzy. my throat felt so dry and i cant talk. all i was thinking a that time is i want to lie down or sit. i felt giddy and i thought i could faint anytime. "uwekkk!" i almost vomit.

"wait adik, sabar. nak muntah ye?" said the doc. i dont know whats the meds they gave me but there are 2 meds. one of it surely hydrocortisone stat. thats what the last thing i heard. i want all of this to be overrr!

after hydrocortisone was in my system i could feel sudden relief from the super intense itchiness. my friend support me and brought me to a chair to sit.

*** malas nak habiskan cerita ni. whatever it is, memang tak boleh lupa. in next post i'll post about all the drugs and the list of its side effects.

unforgettable: admitted to A&E 2

i jump off the bed and stand in front of the mirror. I feel "funny" things happening to my face, and all over my body. I stood there, scratching here and there. I took a close look of my face. in a blink of an eye my skin changes drastically. There was a big papule like swelling under my right eyes too. "eh, is my skin always like this? i never notice this!" i said to myself. My forehead changing. my nose become bigger and harden, as well as my cheeks. everything occurred too fast. it was like seeing myself turning into a monster!! SERIOUSLY YO!

i started to breathe heavily. My vision started to look blurry and there was funny sound in my ears. I took off my clothes to change. i knew i had to go to emergency dept ASAP. whatever it is, this is not funny business! while my hands and body started to tremble, i was so anxious that i couldnt make it to hospital. i called my friend on the phone  but she couldnt understand a thing i said. she rush to my room shocked to see my condition and my changing face. "drug allergy!" i said right after i opened my door. it was hectic. she rush back to her room, wearing whatever she wore that time and we jump into her car and rushing to hospital. in the car i almost cried. i cant feel my fingers and hand. my body was chilly red and soooo hot. my temperature spike up. i pull up my sleeves only to see my hands changing in a very rapid seconds. i almost scream due to the ichiness, heating of my body temp, numbness etc. but i tried my best to calm down. i istigfar a lot along the way...

unforgettable: admitted to A&E 1

yes, it was an unforgetable events of my life; was admitted to emergency dept of Melaka General Hospital last friday evening.

3pm
I went to our uni panel clinic to get some medication for my quite severe pharyngitis. I could say, it was a chronic one since i already developed granules on my congested pharynx, greenish sputum with with blood streak. Must be because of the severe cough. oh, and flu also. no fever tho. So.. a night before was terrible, i cannot sleep since i kept coughing and due to nose blockage. I skip the posting and the evening class just to go to clinic. As usual, being lectured by the doc because of late seeking for medical attention.. bla3 and were prescribed 4 drugs to go with. Loratadine, bromhexine, cough syrup, an UNKNOWN antibiotic, and pharynx lozenges. I admit it was partly my fault for not asking the name of the Abx but i couldn't care less at that time. and in fact, i didn't actually notice they didn't mention the name. *Dah la kena mintak tlg orang hantarkan ke klinik, nak lama2 pulak. takut menyusahkan orang je.. huhu *

615pm
since i havent eat all day, i had nasi goreng that i bought at gazebo before i took the meds. As a 'ritual' everytime before took it i read the name. that was when i realised the Abx didnt hv a name and i thought i never take a white pills of Abx previously. but i did took it anyway, thinking i want to be better faster. I took it all around the same time. it didn't take long for an allergic reaction to set in.

around 2mins after that i started sneezing continuously. As a medical student i cant help myself from "self assessment". I was thinking, 'wow, i did sneeze around 10 per sneeze which defines allergic sneezing'. but it couldnt be right... coz i am not allergic to anything. not the meds for sure" and i smiled.

Seconds later i started to feel itchy on my back and on my hand. Gosh.. i felt so annoyed. i just change the bed cloth what could cause me felt so itching at that time?? must be mosquito biting me. its a dengue area anyway. so i took an ointment. squeeze it out and started to apply it on my itchy skin. in a few seconds it gets more intense. WTHH??! i almost shouted.

...continued

at least

Rose was too busy to check her phone.

Henry keep texting her and waiting for her to reply. He was worried something might had happened to her. He was far away, He cannot called her unless by using the satellite phone which cost soooo much! his heart aches.

I am sorry I can't reply to you sooner 

OR

sorry I've been busy these days that we rarely talk


"at least you could've said that much" Henry mumbled with a very low voice to himself, disappointed with Rose...

***

Rose was half asleep when she was waken up by a vibration sound from her bedside table. Her phone dimmed in dark. She take it and saw that it was another message from Henry. She missed Henry but it just does not feel right. It was really not a good time for her. She was stressed up with works and all. Plus, she was so disappointed with him because she had text him a few times before but he gave a cold replied. So she thought, what she had done wrong? or maybe he really was busy when he replied to her? She could not care less.

Once Henry proposed to her but she rejected it nicely and just preferred to be friend with him. She wonder if that is the reason why he was cold to her? urghh! Rose switched of the phone and slammed it under her pillow. She slept with frowning on her face. 

entangled

Apa yg mengahalang aku dari bertindak?

Apa yg menghalang aku dari meluahkan segala yg terpedam dan menyusutkan fikiran aku?

Stress.

“Fikir habis-habis. Whatever your decision is I’ll support you. But don’t EVER back up once you’ve made up your mind. Later in the future I do not want to hear you coming to me crying because you think you cannot go on”

Kata-kata ni asyik bergema dalam kepala aku. Ya, inilah batu penghalangnya. Bukan aku tak pernah cuba meluahkan rasa. Tapi aku Cuma dapat paku buah keras.

Kepala aku berdenyut-denyut lagi. Tubir mataku terasa panas. Tekak perit.

Aku capai panadol actifast dari dalam laci. Telan.

Aku sedar, masalah aku masih belum selesai.

NO SHEETS

okay, I admit I am now crazy with this David Choi song; "Missing Piece" to the extend I searched for the music sheets because I wanna play on my tab piano.

but sadly, there aren't any for piano. They got only guitar chords.

Then I found this guy. He played the song beautifully! So Harmonious.....~~

 Aww.. hope I can play like him too *chuckles*

shining stars

okay, quick post since i am so numb minded right now to read any study related thingy haha.

Do you guys know who is David Choi?

what about JR Aquino?

well, these people are some of you tubers with awesome voice. Ignore their looks, they aren't handsome like many other popular singers out there but they do have "handsome" voice. LOL.

like the one i put in my blog is a song by David Choi. He was also featured in some of my favourite channel like Wongfu Productions and The Fine Bros. JR Aquino once entered THE VOICE but he didnt manage to pass through. People said actually he didn't get in because the judges said that he has his own style of music that can't change and do anything. the voice is for people without a lot of experiences so the judges can teach them and make them into professional singers. 

Kina Grannis: i just discovered her today, and i think her vid clip is so unique, cute and creative. 

anyway, they are awesome!just go and try to listen to their songs :)

The Untold, Untitle and Undecide-1

(p/s. maaf tajuk xde lg, plot pun x terfikir lg. Saya buat cerpen ni semasa cuti semester dulu, bila saya habiskan cuti saya di Kedah)

Dari anjung kekisi aku merenung ke padang bola bertentangan dengan hostel. Pandanganku yang mulanya kosong dan tidak berarah tiba-tiba tertumpu pada susuk tubuh yg amat kukenal. Satu tarikan nafas yang panjang, perlahan aku lepaskan. Lincah dia meligat dan menyepak bola.

pic ihsan google

“gol!!!” tiba-tiba mereka yg berada di padang bersorak apabila bola yg disepaknya mengenai sasaran. Walaupun jauh, jelas kelihatan mukanya yang puas dan tersenyum gembira sambil mempamerkan sebaris giginya yg putih dan cantik tersusun. Dia berlari keliling padang. Pasti pertarungan itu begitu sengit hingga membuatnya gembira sedemikian rupa.

Aku terus merenungnya hingga tiba-tiba pandangannya berlaga dengan mataku. Kelam-kabut aku menyorok kerana tidak bertudung. Kemudian baru aku teringat cermin bilikku itu gelap, jadi orang di luar tidak boleh Nampak aku. Perlahan-lahan aku bangun dan merenung ke luar tingkap semula. Dia memandang handsetnya dan kemudian memandang kearah bilikku lagi. Keningnya bertaut rapat. Kecewa.  Tidak lama selepas itu aku handsetku berbunyi. Sudah dapat aku agak dari siapa.

kenapa tak datang tadi?

Lama kutenung hensetku, lalu kuletak ke atas meja tanpa berbalas. “sori Syam..” bisikku perlahan dan langsir kuturunkan kerana di luar hari semakin gelap, maghrib sudah hampir tiba.

                                 *   *   *   *   *

“Mira, senyum sikit! Takut aku tengok muka kau” seloroh Intan.  Aku buat-buat senyum.

“Kau ni dah kenapa, macam telur tembelang je..?”

“Tak ada apa, aku Cuma rasa tak sedap badan” jawab ku endah tak endah.

“Tulah kau, tengok lagi movie sampai larut malam depan laptop kau tu. Lepas tu tak cukup tidur, memanglah badan tak sihat!” aku biar Intan membebel di sebelahku. Suaranya ditahan-tahan kerana kami berada di dalam library. Nota di tangannku kuselak-selak tanpa membaca.

“Intan, aku balik dulu ya. Aku rasa aku perlu rehat” tanpa menunggu Intan menjawab aku mengemas barang dan beredar dari library. Intan hanya memandangku tajam.

Mira, marah lagi ke pada saya?

Aku berasa sangat marah dan kecewa dengan soalan yg aku kelaskan sebagai soalan “kurang bijak” tu. Marah kerana diriku gagal membenci Syam. Marah kerana terlalu senang percaya kepada orang-orang disekelilingku. Dan lebih mengecewakan, marah kerana aku biarkan diriku diperbodoh Syam untuk bersama dengan Wawa.

Aku pada awalnya memang tidak berkawan dengan lelaki. Tapi Syam adalah lelaki pertama yg berani menegurku dan menjalinkan persahabatan, dan aku menerima persahabatan itu dengan hati yg terbuka dan gembira.

Siapa sangka Syam sebenarnya Cuma ingin mempergunakan diriku untuk rapat dengan Wawa, roomateku.

                                 *   *   *   *   *

“tak wish saya pun” kataku pura-pura marah tetapi muka berlagak selamba.

“ohh.. sori2, lupa..” balasnya dengan muka tidak bersalah.

“nanti saya belanja ye, dinner?”

“tak apa, saya saja je cakap. Bukan nak apa-apa pun”

“please..? lagipun saya ada hal sikit nak Tanya awak’

“hmm ok. Tapi tak payah nak grand2 sangat. Kedai mamak pun ok” kataku sambil berlalu pergi

                                 *   *   *   *   *

“kenapa bawak ke sini?”

“tanda minta maaf” blasnya ringkas

Aku merenung ke pintu lobi hotel seri putra Kuala lumpur itu. Aku menoleh pula pada Wawa disebelahku. Wawa tersenyum kelat. Patutlah beriya-iya benar dia pakai cantik-cantik  bisik hatiku sambil melihat baju yg aku pakai. Cuma baju kurung polos warna krim berbunga pink kecil. Aku menarik nafas panjang.. tak apalah, yg penting aurat terjaga pujukku lantas melangkah masuk ke lobi hotel. Wawa terkedek-kedek mengejarku dalam baju blouse yg baru dibelinya siang tadi. Langkahnya kecik-kecik. Wawa banyak berdiam diri. Aku pun malas nak  cakap banyak.

“Nak makan apa mira?” aku membatu bila Syam bertanya. Mataku masih membelek-belek menu di tangan.

“order jelah apa-apa.. asalkan sedap” balas ku tersenyum nipis.

                                 *   *   *   *   *

“Mira…” nada suara Syam berubah. Tiba-tiba dadaku berdebar –debar. Kenapa pula ni….

Syam sekejap-sekejap mengetuk jari di meja, kejap-kejap memandang kearah wawa. Wawa takut-takut membalas pandangannya. 

“mira.. saya ada benda nak bagitahu awak”

“bulan depan saya dan wawa nak bertunang”

Ramadhan!

so many things to say, yet so little time.

For some unknown reasons, I am nervous for Ramadhan this year.. a mixed feelings. Tears rolling down my cheeks, it is more of a subtle feeling.

anyway, selamat berpuasa! Harap sangat2 supaya ramadhan kali ini membawa satu perubahan dan berita yg baik... :)

unsubscribe!!

assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera. hehe

Semasa saya sedang menaip post kali ini., saya sedang sibuk "membersihkan" inbox saya. Padanlah dengan muka saya, semasa di India rajin sangat subscribe sana-sini supaya dapat discount code. sangat berbaloi, tahu? hehehe saya dapat membeli siri novel kegemaran saya yg hampir 20 buah tu, dengan harga yg buat saya tersenyum sebulan tak henti-henti. hahahaha

sekarang inbox sudah mencecah beribu2. Alasannya, sudah lama saya tak memeriksa email saya. leceh la pula sekarang bila mahu unsubscribe satu per satu. tapi lebih baik dari saya tak bertindak apa-apa. ok adiyos!

farewell from pirate...

Well, I should post this first, its my friend- the Pirate Kitty wrote me this before i replied it with the poem u guys read before. Pirate said Pirate is lousy at goodbyes but i guess Pirate was a really talented Pirate Kitty! lol

I'm literally broke into tears early in the morning today while reading it since i thought i don't have a chance to say proper goodbye. But alhamdulillah Allah heard me and i was given the second chance to bid farewell properly to Pirate. Its really cute with all the emoticons but i sadly i cant post it here instead, only the text....here it goes...

Saying goodbye 

is the hardest thing to do

Me never thought me would

Especially not to you :(

You always listened

and knew what to say

Knew when to give me a smile :)

When me was having a bad day..

No one will ever take your place

Me can always promise you this

It's hard to find someone like you

So know that you'll always be missed :)

farewell my friend :'( :'( :'(

Live your life to the fullest

-PK-

Good bye my pirate kitty friend..

p/s-it takes me hours to finish this. just for my lovely friend. excuse me for the horrible grammatical errors. haha. I am gonna miss u very much! here it goes.........

We met as 2 cute cuddly kittens,

With fluffy furs and paws as hand

We said we’re from the land

But where we met aren’t in the skies nor on the land

When you see squirrels

They remind you about your quarrels

With the neighbour, or with me

But u tried your best to face it squarely

We can't reverse time's one-way flow,

But at least now I guess u already know

Just promise me this time you go

To calm your heart and let it go

Whenever you see the cutest bear bear

You can see me already there

We are breathing the same air

It’s just my body isn’t there

Look up the sky when you are feeling blue

You see the stars and also the moon

Sometimes you only see a dark view

But good friends are like that,

You don’t always see them but u knew

I am always there for you

Well you did had your shining moments,

Upon this life's darkened stage

and in my book of wonderments,

you'll never be just another page

Like the exploding of a star,

you've impressed me in and out

your light will travel with me far

past when all other lights go out

I don’t know why you mention starfish

It makes me hard to finish this (lol)

But I guess being on shore u see lot of these

So again, it will remind you of this awesome miss! Hahaha

Me, your neighbour and you

Are living somewhere in this space

Although I just know her through you

But I hope we will meet face to face

All the memories are yours and they will stay yours forever,

Whether people are there or not, memories will bind all of us together.

seangkatan, sejiwa

pernah tak rasa macam seronok dan nak pecah dada bila "terjumpa" seseorang yg seakan-akan 'seangkatan' dengan kita, 'sejiwa' dengan kita, bezanya.. dia jauh lebih hebat, dan dia adalah kaum yg berpasangan dengan kita (adam-hawa). beliau bagi saya, ada "A VERY STRONG AWE FACTOR"

melalui seorang rakan saya 'terjumpa' hamba Allah ini, yg saya kenal melalui hasil pena-nya, hasil buah fikirannya, dan.. macam-macam lagi. baru beberapa artikel saya baca karyanya mampu membuat saya duduk lama di depan laptop dan membaca. ayatnya puitis, tetapi ringkas, terkesan di dada.

orangnya sangat berjaya, suka berjaulah ke serata pelosok dunia dan... hm, perlukah saya kata? haha. ok, ada rupa juga.

orang seperti ini buat saya sangat kagum dengan ilmu pengetahuannya yg luas. menilai dari tulisannya, pastinya beliau seorang yg pandai berkata-kata. teringin sekali berjumpa dengan orang yg sedemikian. moga2 dia juga seorang hamba Allah yg beriman, maka dengan kata-katanya itu insyaAllah mampu menyentuh hati-hati mereka yg dahagakan ilmu agama... amin~

dilupakan?

ps- sambungan this is my story dalam post akan datang. Kali ini kita bicara tentang post ini..

Bila seorang kawan sudah lama tidak bertegur sapa dengan saya, saya selalu berfikir seolah-olah saya ini selalu berada di pinggiran. Macam rumput di tepi jalan. Sebab sudah banyak kali saya melalui perkara ini. Saya seolah-olah satu perlabuhan orang menumpang kasih dalam erti kata persahabatan. Dan saya tetap saya, menerima mereka dengan hati terbuka meskipun akhirnya saya tahu saya masih akan ditinggal di pelabuhan itu, menuggu ‘pelaut’ lain berlabuh. Sesungguhnya tidaklah saya tahu dimanakah silap saya setiap kali hal ini berlaku..

Itulah apa yg terjadi sebelum dan sebelum-sebelumnya. Sehinggalah beberapa hari lepas. Tiba-tiba seorang kawan kembali menegur saya setelah sekian lama menyepi. (Saya gunakan "ku" kerana lebih sesuai pengunaannya selepas ini)

“ingatkan dah tak sudi kawan..” kataku lirih bersahaja

“kenapa kata macam tu pulak? Why are u always thinking about yourself negatively?” balasnya keras.

“selalunya macam tulah..most people, itulah yg mereka buat.. macam habis madu sepah dibuang pulak.. hehehe” tawaku hambar dengan peribahasa yg macam tak kena je.

“huh? Itu most people. I am not one of them. Kenapa pulak nak buat macam tu.. kawan tetap kawan!” balasnya lagi, tegas.

Saya Cuma tersenyum. Perasaan bercampur-baur. Terharu, gembira, sedih.. syukur kerana masih ada yg menghargai diri ini sebagai sahabat!

Moga Allah pelihara kami dalam kebaikan.. ya Allah peliharalah persahabatan ini.. amin~

this is my story 5: kerja keras

Kerja keras

Ayah bekerja keras sejak saya masuk asrama. Kebetulan tahun itu kami semua masuk asrama, dari abang saya hingga saya, keempat-empat kami semua berasrama. Tinggallah adik kecil saya di rumah. Risau saya memikirkan mak yang berniaga tanpa pembantu. Ayah sudah mendapat kerja lain. Bermacam-macam. Dengan consultant, dengan syarikat perfileman, syarikat minyak kenderaan; semua ayah lakukan. Musim cuti sekolah menjadi satu kewajipan kepada kami untuk membantu mereka. Dulu ayah sering membawa kami adik-beradik bergilir-gilir menghantar minyak kenderaan ke seluruh Semenanjung Malaysia. Ayah juga sering membawa kami memasang white board dan soft board ke sekolah-sekolah di sekitar Selangor dan Kuala Lumpur. Kerja berat itu membuat saya merungut kadang-kadang. Kerja kasar, kerja lelaki-penat dan sukar, itu dalam fikiran saya.  

Kotak-kotak besar berisi minyak entah berapa kilogram saya angkat dan tolak, dengan kekuatan badan yang kecil. Papan- papan yang besar dan berat saya usung bersama abang dan kadangkala kakak. Adik saya yang masih kecil itu juga di rekrut sama.

 Kadang-kala saya marah juga dengan tindakan ayah yang satu ini. Tak fahamkah ayah saya seorang kanak-kanak perempuan sahaja disuruh buat kerja berat? Satu hari kata-kata ayah meresap ke dalam jiwa saya, memarahi diri saya kerana berfikir demikian. Kata ayah kepada kami semua, ayah mahu anak-anak ayah tahu betapa susahnya ayah dan mak mencari sesuap nasi buat kami semua. Hargailah setiap sen, kerana kata ayah, setiap sen itu adalah titik peluh kami semua. Kemudian ayah akan memberi kami sedikit imbalan, sebagai menghargai kerja-kerja yang kami lakukan. 

Sampai sekarang saya mengingati kata-kata ayah ini; kerana itu sehingga sekarang jika saya membantu mak di gerai dan mak memberi upah, saya tidak pernah terima. Bagi saya untung yang tidak seberapa itu akhirnya akan digunakan untuk kami juga, biarlah mak dan ayah yang menyimpannya. Kalau saya kesempitan wang semasa di asrama, seboleh-bolehnya saya tidak akan memberitahu mereka. Biarlah saya bersakit-sakit sedikit, saya tak mahu menambah kesakitan mereka. Saya lihat bagaimana mak dan ayah berusaha mencari duit setiap kali abang dan kakak-kakak perlukan. Diam –diam saya berjanji tak akan memberitahu mereka jika saya kehabisan duit melainkan jika saya tidak mempunyai duit dalam bank sendiri lagi. 

Alhamdulillah kerana berkat sifat berjimat cermat saya, sewaktu saya di tingkatan lima saya berjaya mengumpulkan lebih seribu. Duit pertandingan forum yang saya wakili sehingga ke peringkat kebangsaan, duit simpanan di bank koperasi sekolah, dan sebagainya- saya simpan baik-baik supaya jika saya masuk universiti nanti, tidaklah terlalu membebankan mak dan ayah.