have u ever felt like how useless you are or about how dark future is.?? i think i never have experienced such things till lately, when the exam result comes out. when u r in the 4th yr of medical course, u know sooner u'll be a doctor, like, a REAL doctor who treats people, prescribe medication etc
suddenly i have this thought, this serious thought. how exactly im gonna be a good doctor with this kind of achievement?? how exactly people should put their trust on me to treat them when i myself having doubt?? how?? how??
and when im presenting cases to doctors or lecturers, i realized how shallow the knowledge i've got. how imperfect i am, how stupid and lazy i am!
and yet...... i here i am repeating mistakes. yet.. here i am still being lazy. #shame on me# T_T
as of today, when i got lowest mark during case presentation although i thought ive done my best, but, u know what is the biggest mistake?
not realizing at that minutes, "SEMUANYA MILIK ALLAH, ILMU ITU MILIK ALLAH."
those are the consoling words i said to myself.
one thing i realized is.. when u did a stupid mistakes, you do not need to explained the reason of your action or answer, because they dont really wanna know unless they asked. how embarrassing it is, how much u want to pour ur heart out, the one who really listens to it is our creator.. Allah. and he would provided the utmost calmness in your heart.
you dont need to listens to "doktor tu biasa je kau yg lebih2" comment once more :)
really, i have to get rid of my laziness but it is soooo hard. at least, i plan to study smart: enough sleep, enough muhasabah, enough recreational activities. bla bla. but again,
"KITA HANYA MERANCANG, ALLAH YG MENENTUKAN"
its ok, at least, starting from today i will always try my best. successful person need to fall a few times on their way to success. please, pray for me. i really wanna be a good muslimah doctor and a good daughter, wife, etc.. aminnn. :)
