STUPID!!!

lots of things happened recently
i don't even know what should i feel anymore..
i don't even know what to do..
i don't even know where these would lead to
but somehow i feel its going to end soon, which make me even sad thinking about it..

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right at this moment, i hate myself a lot
when i am going to learn?!!
when i am going to realize its all lies out there??!!!!
how come i just let my heart being hurt and tortured with those stupid feelings and trustworthiness again and again??!!
my hope for being save by a 'hero' is merely a stupid dream to live on..
no matter how hard i try..
no matter how struggle i am in this battle of mine
it just that i never meant to win any of these.
NEVER

people just love tossing me around as if  i have no feelings
they act gracefully in front of you
but then talk awfully on your back
whats wrong for me to have a little faith in some people
and think how good that people are to me
after all that, they told me its all lies and i am delusional??!!
thank you for saying that

i know i don't have the looks that guys dying for
i know i don't have the looks that most of mother in law would be happy with
i know i don't have the looks that makes people's head turn to look for a second time
but i do know i have a piece of heart that is so sincere loving people around me
a piece of heart that you guys make it suffered a lot from what i called trust and honest
a piece of heart that have wounded all over, never heal

i always pray for this piece of heart to stay calm
i always pray it won't turn out as cold as an ice
because once it become so; it can feel nothing

thank you for saying that, all that
thank you for make me realize that i am the most ugliest person in your world with a stupid delusion of mine
thank you for make me realize that beautiful face and looks, beautiful body is indeed what people are looking for to be a friend or someone special in your world
thank you for make me realize that the saying "looks is nothing, whats more important is a pure loving heart" is just a word of wisdom for stupid and naive person like me
thank you for make me realize, i have nobody i can trust
thank you for make me realize that you guys are very good actor and actresses

and i guess.. you are sharing the same 'world' with others as well
so i believe... everybody see me just like how you did
please.. you guys, go on and live with all beautiful things that make your heart flatter
go on..

don't ever come to this ugly so called friend of yours ever again
i'm done living in your world
and all of you, GTH with your so called beautiful world